All In The Family: New Neighbors

Archie and Edith Bunker have some new neighbors. Archie is NOT having a good day. All In The Family Fan Fiction story.  What can I say – an idea popped into my head and I was bored… lol.

-Doug

 

Archie Bunker walked into his home and slammed the door.

“Edith, I’m home!”

Edith Bunker came running from the kitchen, wrapping her arms around her husband and kissing him repeatedly on the cheek.

“Archie, how was your day!”

“Get off me, you dingbat! I’m tired and I need a beer!”

“Aw”, Edith sighed. “I’ll get your beer, Archie”, she smiled.

As Edith went into the kitchen to get Archie a beer, he continued to talk.

“It was rough at work today. Ol’ Stetch Cunningham didn’t come in and I had to work his job too!”

“I’m sorry Archie”, Edith said as she walked back into the room, handing him a cool beer. “Why wasn’t Stretch there? Was he sick?”

“Nah”, Archie complained. “Something about something… I don’t know! He’s gonna be out all week though!”

“I hope he’s okay”, Edith said, worringly.

“Aw, Stretch will be okay! He’s the funniest man I know! You know that, Edith?”

“Yeah, I know”, Edith agreed.

“So when’s dinner gonna be ready?”, Archie asked. “I’m starving over here?”

“It won’t be long. I heard some good news today?”, Edith answered.

“Good news?”, Archie asked. “What? Did Gloria finally decide to dump the meathead?”

“Archie, that isn’t nice”, Edith said disaprovingly.

“Yeah, we wouldn’t be that lucky”, Archie sighed. “So what’s the news?”

“We’re getting new neighbors”, Edith smiled. “A new family is moving into the Jefferson house.”

“Not no more coloreds, are they?”, Archie asked suspiciously.

“Archie?”, Edith started to say, but Archie cut her off.

“Louise was okay and I like Lionel… he got a smart mouth sometimes, but he’s a good kid. But that George Jefferson…”

“I miss George and Louise”, Edith said sadly.

“Yeah, I know you do”, Archie sighed. “But what about the new neighbors? Who are they?”

“Well, I met the young girl today. Her name is Marilyn and she said it’s her, her Aunt and Uncle, her grandfather and her cousin?”

“One of ‘dem there extended famila’s, huh!”, Archie said.

“She’s a beautiful girl, blond haired and very polite. I think her and Gloria could be good friends.”

“What’s their name?”, Archie asked.

“Munder or Munker… no, that’s not right. Oh yeah, Munster”, Edith said.

“Is that Italian?”, Archie asked.

“I don’t know”, Edith replied. “But Marilyn seemed really sweet. From what she explained, it’s just temporary. There was some kind of accident at their home and it’s being fixed and they’re moving next door until the repairs are done.”

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door.

“I’ll get it!”, Edith said, jumping up and rushing towards the door. She opened the door and greeted the young woman standing there.

“Come in”, Edith said. “Archie, this is our new neighbor, Marilyn. And Marilyn, this is my husband, Archie Bunker.”

“It’s nice to meet you, Mr. Bunker”, Marilyn said. “You’ve got a wonderful wife.”

“Yeah, she’s a hoot!”, Archie muttered.

“I was just telling Archie about you and your family moving in next door”, Edith smiled. “What can we do for you?”

“Well, my Aunt Lily and Uncle Herman just arrived a few minutes ago. Grandpa and Eddie, my cousin, will be here tomorrow. But Aunt Lily was starting to fix dinner and realized she forgot to get any eggs from the supermarket. So I was hoping we could borrow a couple of eggs until tomorrow?”

“No problem”, Edith smiled. “I’ve got an extra carton in the icebox. I’ll go get them for you!”

“Thank you so much”, Marilyn smiled.

As Edith went to the kitchen, there was a knock on the door. Archie walked over and answered and there, in the door, stood a man, seven feet tall, with a flat head, green skin and bolts sticking out of his neck.

“Hi neighbor!”, the giant man bellowed. “My name is Herman Munster and I was looking for my niece, Marilyn.”

Archie just stood there, speechless, as the big man stood there grinning at him.

“Good Lord almighty!”, he finally muttered.

Marilyn called out to the man, “Hi Uncle Herman!”

“Marilyn, your Aunt Lily told me to tell you that she found the eggs. Grandpa had packed them with his portable lab equipment.”

“Oh, okay”, Marilyn smiled. “Mr. Bunker, this is my Uncle Herman.”

“Good lord almighty!”, Archie said once more as the huge man reached over and shook his hand.

“How are you doing, Mr. Bunker”, Herman bellowed once more.

“You’re… tall”, Archie said, looking for the right words.

“I was well buillt”, Herman laughed.

Edith came waling back into the room from the kitchen, carrying a carton of eggs.

“I found them”, she said. “Did I hear voices in…”

Edith stopped at the sight of Herman Munster, standing there in her living room.

“Mrs. Bunker”, Marilyn said with a smile. “This is my Uncle Herman. He came over to tell me that my Aunt Lily found her eggs. So I won’t need to borrow any.”

“Oh”, Edith smiled weakly, still staring at Herman. “That’s nice!”

“Uncle Herman, this is Mrs. Bunker”, Marily said to her Uncle.

“Always a pleasure to meet a beautiful woman”, Herman said as he politely shook Edith’s hand.

“You’re… tall”, Edith stammered out, unsure of what to say.

“Thank you”, Herman said.

“So as I was saying, Mrs. Bunker, my Aunt Lily found her eggs so we won’t need to borrow any. Thank you so much though.”

Pulling herself together, Edith smiled at the young blonde woman.

“No problem. If you change your mind and need them, just let me know!”

“I will Mrs. Bunker”, Marilyn smiled.

“And we need to get back over to the house”, Herman spoke up. “Lily is preparing dinner and if we’re late, she can be a real monster.”

“Her too?”, Archie muttered, but no one seemed to notice.

“Okay, Uncle Herman”, Marilyn smiled. “Thank you Mrs. Bunker. Mr. Bunker.”

“Nice meeting you folks”, Herman said as he and his niece exited out the front door.

As the door closed, Archie turned to Edith.

“What the hell was that?”, Archie asked.

“He was tall!”, Edith said.

“He had freakin’ green skin”, Archie said.

“Maybe he has a condition?”, Edith asked.

“He had bolts coming out of neck”, Archie pointed out.

“A fashion statement?”, Edith asked.

“Our new neighbors are monsters Edith… They’re monsters!”

“Nah, their last name is Munster… with a U”, Edith remarked.

“Shut up, you dingbat!”, Archie sighed. “My daughter married a meathead, my wife is a dingbat and now we got monsters living next door!”

“Munsters, not monsters”, Edith repeated.

“Could things really get any worse?”, Archie sighed.

Suddenly, the doorbell rang.

“I’ll get it”, Edith squealed as she ran towards the door.

Edith opened up the door.

“Who is it?”, Archie asked.

“It’s Cousin Maude”, Edith screamed happily.

“Maude?”, Archie said, a look of disgust covering his face.

Archie turned and looked and there was Edith’s cousin, Maude, standing in the door way, two suitcases next to her.

“Archie, quit looking stupid and get my luggage”, Maude said. “Walter is an idiot and I’m staying with you and Edith.”

“What?”, Archie yelled as Edith smiled.

“But of course”, Edith said. “You’re always welcome here, Maude. Wait until you meet our new neighbors!”

“No, no, no, no, no!”, Archie kept saying.

“Archie, stifle!”, Maude said. “Put my bags in the guest room and I’ll go help Edith get dinner ready.”

Archie stood there, turning red and at a loss for words.

“How can this day get any worse?”, he muttered finally.

“Archie, you’re out of beer”, Maude yelled from the kitchen.

“Oh vey”, Archie muttered again as he sat in his chair.

“First monsters and now Maude! Next thing you know, ol’ Jefferson is going come knocking at the door!”

And suddenly, there was a knock at the door.

“Lord, no!”, Archie sighed. “Please, no!”

The End…

Tossing Salt – Worldwide News: NXT Takeover: Brooklyn II and SummerSlam Predictions

Tossing Salt – Worldwide News
August 20, 2016
Doug Maynard

I’m Doug – how you doing? Are you ready for some predictions? It’s the WWE’s biggest weekend of the summer and they have taken over Brooklyn, New York. Tonight is the show, NXT Takeover: Brooklyn II and tomorrow night, it’s the hot weather equivalent to Wrestlemania… it’s WWE SummerSlam 2016… There’s no time for love, Mr. Jones. Let’s get right to it.
Coming up tonight at the Barclay Center in Brooklyn, New York is NXT: Takeover Brooklyn II. It’s a big show for the NXT brand and the WWE. Of course, that means predictions, right? Well, Sister Cleo died a few weeks ago and Jeanne Dixon has been dead for decades so I guess we’re stuck with channeling Gary Spivey now. Where is a good fortune telling psychic when you need one? Let’s look at the matches and pick some winners and losers. Let’s do this…

NXT Takeover: Brooklyn II – Thoughts and Predictions…

NXT Championship Match
Samoa Joe (c) vs. Shinsuke Nakamura

The build has been excellent and I expect this match will be pretty damn awesome as well. Nakamura ia a big star and huge deal just waiting to bust out and Joe… his reputation speaks for itself. He kills bitches dead! As much as I like Nakamura and expect many big things from him in the future, I think it’s too early to put the NXT strap on his waist though. Unless the WWE is planning to move Joe up to the main roster (and who wouldn’t like to see Joe versus Owens or Joe versus Brock?), his reign as the NXT Champion still has plenty of ways to go. It’ll be a good match and go above and beyond, but I think Samoa Joe will retain his title when the smoke clears.

Winner and STILL NXT Champion: Samoa Joe

NXT Women’s Championship Match
Asuka (c) vs. Bayley

This is probably the match I’m most looking forward to. Asuka is just amazing in my eyes and is well on the way to approaching “Ivory status”. Yes, I like her that much. And Bayley is a just awesome in her own right and is the next big breakout star for NXT whenever they decide to move her up to the main roster. I wouldn’t switch the title and think Asuka should retain, but I’m not the man booking this match. WWE is going to want at least one title change tonight and I think this will be it. The “feel good moment” of the evening. Look for Bayley to take a beating, but come back at the end for the win and the title.

Winner and NEW NXT Women’s Champion: Bayley

NXT Tag Team Championship Match
The Revival (c) vs. Johnny Gargano & Tommaso Ciampa

The Revival are doing a great job as champions and it’s too soon to have them drop the belts. No new champions here. The big story for this match is whether Gargano and Ciampa will still be a team at the end of the night. They’ve been teasing issues between the two men for several weeks now and I’m thinking that when / if Gargano and Ciampa lose the match and fail to get the titles, we’re going to see discord and chaos and probably a turn by one of the men. It’s just a theory at this point, but we’ll see. Anyhow, look for the Revival to retain the tag team gold.

Winners and STILL NXT Tag Team Champions: The Revival

Andrade “Cien” Almas vs. Bobby Roode

Andrade Almas is another talent that I see a big future in. He’s charismatic and exciting and really seems to connect with the fans. But that being said, he seems to have lost a little bit of his fire since his debut a few months ago. He’s still hot, but the flame seems to be flickering a bit here and there. And he’s facing Bobby Roode. ‘Nuff said! It’ll be another damn good match, but in the end, look for Roode to walk out with his arm raised as he takes that trip to the pay window.

Winner: Bobby Roode

No Way Jose vs. Austin Aries

No Way Jose is… okay, I don’t really get him or see what’s so special about the character. But admittingly, I’ve only seen him perform a couple of times so far so what do I know, right? Jose is facing Austin Aries and Aries is an amazing talent and great heel. He won’t be hurt by a loss and can use it to get over even more if that’s possible. Jose is a currrent NXT favorite and he’ll walk out with the win. Why? I don’t know, but he will. No way? Yes way!

Winner: No Way Jose

Ember Moon vs. Billie Kaye

Ember Moon is making her debut and the company is said to be very high on this young woman. Billie Kaye is said to be a tough lady and this should be a good match, but is there any real doubt to who the winner will be? I don’t think so.

Winner: Ember Moon

And there you go. Now, let’s move on and check out the big show (no, not the wrestler). I’m talking SummerSlam…

It’s WWE SummerSlam. It’s the biggest event of the summer and they have really packed the card, which will run over six hours between the Kick-Off Show and the actual event itself. A lot of action and a lot of great wrestling action, no doubt. And more predictions as well. It looks as if they’re trying to get the entire roster on the show. Well, at least the ones who aren’t suspended for Wellness violations… lol Let’s do this…

WWE SummerSlam 2016 Thoughts and Predictions…

Carmella & Becky Lynch & Naomi vs. Eva Marie & Natalya & Alexa Bliss.

Eva Marie is out due to a Wellness violation so this match will either be dropped, turned into a handicap match or there will be a substitution. I’ll go for the latter and predict a substitution. It could be Nikki Bella since she’s been cleared to return to the ring, but I don’t think they’ll waste her return on a match like this where she’d be lost in the shuffle. It’ll probably be Alicia Fox or Summer Rae filling in. And no one will really notice the difference or care. Naomi just debuted a new look and Becky is the top girl for Smackdown right now so I’ll give the nod to the Carmella, Lynch and Naomi team to take home the win.

Winners: Carmella, Becky Lynch and Naomi

WWE World champion Dean Ambrose vs. Dolph Ziggler.

I keep hearing that Ambrose has some heat with management due to the Steve Austin podcast so that may be a factor here, plus Ambrose as the WWE Champion, to me, just isn’t really all that or cutting it. He’s just kind of… ‘eh! Would Ziggler do a better job if given the opportunity to run with the ball? Who knows because he’s never really ever been given the chance. I’m hoping that WWE decides that now is the time and place and gives Dolph the opportunity he deserves.

Winner and NEW WWE World Champion: Dolph Ziggler

Brock Lesnar vs. Randy Orton.

If Heath Slater does NOT get involved in some way, shape or form, we riot! Just saying. As for this match, it should be good and stiff and all of the stuff we’ve come to expect from Brock Lesnar matches. I don’t think that Randy Orton is coming back from almost a year on the shelf to lose his first match back. I’m also thinking that, even though they’re playing it quiet, there is some major heat on Brock from management due to the UFC doping scandal and he’ll have to pay some sort of dues for that. So here’s what will happen. Let Heath come out at the start and demand that the match be a three-way dance. Both Brock and Orton beat up Heath and toss him from the ring. We have our match and it’s as tough and stiff and awesome as we would hope. Brock gets distracted by the man he’s been trading verbal jabs with all week, Bill Goldberg. Orton scores with the RKO for the win from out of nowhere and the seeds are planted for Brock versus Goldberg II at Wrestlemania. Sounds like a plan, right? Let’s roll with it.

Winner: Randy Orton

Finn Balor vs. Seth Rollins to crown the first WWE Universal champion.

Balor is awesome! Let me say that again. Balor is awesome! But is he ready, so soon after his call-up from NXT, to be the top guy for one of the two WWE Brands? Maybe or maybe not, but I can’t see Vince McMahon going in that direction. Seth is reliable, tried and true and is the hot ticket for WWE right now. Seth was the first NXT Champion and I can’t think of any man better suited to be the first WWE Universal Champion as well. Well, maybe Disco Inferno, but he’s not in the match. Seth takes a beating and Balor will look great, but in the end, Seth wins and takes home the gold.

Winner and FIRST WWE Universal Champion: Seth Rollins

WWE United States champion Rusev vs. Roman Reigns.

This one could easily go either way, but I’m thinking the smart money is on having Rusev as the Champion and letting Roman chase the belt, at least for a few more months. Rusev and Lana are awesome and really coming into their own once more. Look for a DQ or screwjob finish, but the Bulgarian Brute remains the champion, at least for now.

Winner and STILL WWE United States Champion: Rusev

WWE Women’s champion Sasha Banks vs. Charlotte.

As with Rusev, I think Sasha is just starting to come into her own as the WWE Women’s Champion. Charlotte was a great champ, but watching her get down and dirty in her attempts to regain the belt just seems to be more interesting right now. How long before she bites the bullet and goes to get some help from Daddy, right? These ladies can really go and this will be a great match, but at the end of the night, Sasha Banks retains the title and gets the win.

Winner and STILL WWE Women’s Champion: Sasha Banks

AJ Styles vs. John Cena.

Let’s cut the crap. AJ Styles needs a clear and clean win over John Cena. It won’t hurt Cena to lose and AJ needs to get it done so he can move on to the next level, perhaps against Dolph for the WWE Championship? The match will be awesome and tight and Cena will look like Superman, but let’s hope that AJ can finally find the kryptonite he needs and get that long awaited clean victory. And then, maybe Gallows and Anderson can join Cena in the ring and they can have an old-time reunion by beating up John Cena. One can only hope.

Winner: AJ Styles

WWE Intercontinental champion The Miz vs. Apollo Crews.

What is it about Apollo Crews? I don’t see it or get it. He looks like a mini-me Bobby Lashley, but with not as much personality. Crews has potential, I guess, but is he ready to be the Intercontinental Champion? Is he “awesome”? I don’t think so. Miz retains and remains champion.

Winner: The Miz

WWE Tag Team champions New Day vs. Doc Gallows & Karl Anderson.

I like the New Day, but the schtick is starting to get stale to me. I would much prefer to see Gallows and Anderson get their due and be the new Tag Team Champions. I’d like to see it, but it won’t happen yet. Look for Big E to return and save his partners and the titles with either a distraction or blatant DQ. New Day retains and the Club has to wait for another day to get all booty.

Winners and STILL WWE Tag Team Champions: The New Day

Kevin Owens & Chris Jericho vs. Enzo Amore & Colin Cassady.

With these four men in the ring, anything can and will happen. I expect that the pre-match promos will be just as good as the match… and you can’t teach that. Jericho and Owens don’t need to win. They’re both so over, it really doesn’t matter and just imagine the bickering on Raw Monday night if they lose. Enzo and Cass? They’re the local boys and bonifide G’s. They sure as hell ain’t S-A-W-F-T! A fun match that I’m looking forward to seeing and in the end, Enzo and Cass take the trip to the pay window.

Winners: Enzo Amore & Cass

Cesaro vs. Sheamus – First in Best of Seven Match series.

The Best of Seven? Shade of Magnum versus Nikita or Benoit versus Booker T. This should be a fun and exciting series to watch. First match always goes to the heel though so I’m looking for Sheamus to take Round 1. Why? Just because.

Winner: Sheamus

Neville & Sami Zayn vs. The Dudley Boyz

This is on the Kickoff Show and should be a good way to get the crowd fired up and excited. Neville and Sami are hot right now. The Dudleys have been losing more matches than winning as of late and sadly, I expect this trend to continue. Neville and Sami fly high and we see all sorts of Helluva kicks and Red Arrows and who knows what else going on. And Neville and Sami walk out with the win.

Winners: Neville and Sami Zayn

American Alpha, The Hype Bros and The Usos vs. Breezango, The Ascension and The Vaudevillains

And here is the cluster-f*ck match to get everyone a chance to be on the show. Where are Bo Dallas, Curtis Axel, Kane and the Big Show? I think they’re the only ones who are missing. Oh yeah, they forgot the Wyatt Family too. Maybe next month then. No one cares about The Ascension or the Vaudevillans (even though they’re fantastic performers) and American Alpha and the Hype Bros are making their WWE pay-per-view debuts as teams. It’s pretty easy to see. American Alpha, The Hype Bros and The Usos easily walk away with the wins.

Winners; American Alpha, The Hype Bros and the Usos

And that’s it for now. Tomorrow night is SummerSlam and it is going to be a long and (hopefully) exciting show for the ages. I’m excited and I hope that you are as well. That’s enough for today. I have to go now and get ready for work. Have a great one and I’ll see you on the flip side. Comments and thoughts are welcome. Until the next time…

Ubuntu!

WWE SummerSlam 2016 – Thoughts and Predictions

Coming up on Sunday night, live and exclusive to the WWE Network (and those few who still buy traditional pay-per-view events), it’s WWE SummerSlam. It’s the biggest event of the summer and they have really packed the card, which will run over six hours between the Kick-Off Show and the actual event itself. A lot of action and a lot of great wrestling action, no doubt. And more predictions as well. It looks as if they’re trying to get the entire roster on the show. Well, at least the ones who aren’t suspended for Wellness violations… lol Let’s do this…

WWE SummerSlam 2016 Thoughts and Predictions…

Carmella & Becky Lynch & Naomi vs. Eva Marie & Natalya & Alexa Bliss.

Eva Marie is out due to a Wellness violation so this match will either be dropped, turned into a handicap match or there will be a substitution. I’ll go for the latter and predict a substitution. It could be Nikki Bella since she’s been cleared to return to the ring, but I don’t think they’ll waste her return on a match like this where she’d be lost in the shuffle. It’ll probably be Alicia Fox or Summer Rae filling in. And no one will really notice the difference or care. Naomi just debuted a new look and Becky is the top girl for Smackdown right now so I’ll give the nod to the Carmella, Lynch and Naomi team to take home the win.

Winners: Carmella, Becky Lynch and Naomi

WWE World champion Dean Ambrose vs. Dolph Ziggler.

I keep hearing that Ambrose has some heat with management due to the Steve Austin podcast so that may be a factor here, plus Ambrose as the WWE Champion, to me, just isn’t really all that or cutting it. He’s just kind of… ‘eh! Would Ziggler do a better job if given the opportunity to run with the ball? Who knows because he’s never really ever been given the chance. I’m hoping that WWE decides that now is the time and place and gives Dolph the opportunity he deserves.

Winner and NEW WWE World Champion: Dolph Ziggler

Brock Lesnar vs. Randy Orton.

If Heath Slater does NOT get involved in some way, shape or form, we riot! Just saying. As for this match, it should be good and stiff and all of the stuff we’ve come to expect from Brock Lesnar matches. I don’t think that Randy Orton is coming back from almost a year on the shelf to lose his first match back. I’m also thinking that, even though they’re playing it quiet, there is some major heat on Brock from management due to the UFC doping scandal and he’ll have to pay some sort of dues for that. So here’s what will happen. Let Heath come out at the start and demand that the match be a three-way dance. Both Brock and Orton beat up Heath and toss him from the ring. We have our match and it’s as tough and stiff and awesome as we would hope. Brock gets distracted by the man he’s been trading verbal jabs with all week, Bill Goldberg. Orton scores with the RKO for the win from out of nowhere and the seeds are planted for Brock versus Goldberg II at Wrestlemania. Sounds like a plan, right? Let’s roll with it.

Winner: Randy Orton

Finn Balor vs. Seth Rollins to crown the first WWE Universal champion.

Balor is awesome! Let me say that again. Balor is awesome! But is he ready, so soon after his call-up from NXT, to be the top guy for one of the two WWE Brands? Maybe or maybe not, but I can’t see Vince McMahon going in that direction. Seth is reliable, tried and true and is the hot ticket for WWE right now. Seth was the first NXT Champion and I can’t think of any man better suited to be the first WWE Universal Champion as well. Well, maybe Disco Inferno, but he’s not in the match. Seth takes a beating and Balor will look great, but in the end, Seth wins and takes home the gold.

Winner and FIRST WWE Universal Champion: Seth Rollins

WWE United States champion Rusev vs. Roman Reigns.

This one could easily go either way, but I’m thinking the smart money is on having Rusev as the Champion and letting Roman chase the belt, at least for a few more months. Rusev and Lana are awesome and really coming into their own once more. Look for a DQ or screwjob finish, but the Bulgarian Brute remains the champion, at least for now.

Winner and STILL WWE United States Champion: Rusev

WWE Women’s champion Sasha Banks vs. Charlotte.

As with Rusev, I think Sasha is just starting to come into her own as the WWE Women’s Champion. Charlotte was a great champ, but watching her get down and dirty in her attempts to regain the belt just seems to be more interesting right now. How long before she bites the bullet and goes to get some help from Daddy, right? These ladies can really go and this will be a great match, but at the end of the night, Sasha Banks retains the title and gets the win.

Winner and STILL WWE Women’s Champion: Sasha Banks

AJ Styles vs. John Cena.

Let’s cut the crap. AJ Styles needs a clear and clean win over John Cena. It won’t hurt Cena to lose and AJ needs to get it done so he can move on to the next level, perhaps against Dolph for the WWE Championship? The match will be awesome and tight and Cena will look like Superman, but let’s hope that AJ can finally find the kryptonite he needs and get that long awaited clean victory. And then, maybe Gallows and Anderson can join Cena in the ring and they can have an old-time reunion by beating up John Cena. One can only hope.

Winner: AJ Styles

WWE Intercontinental champion The Miz vs. Apollo Crews.

What is it about Apollo Crews? I don’t see it or get it. He looks like a mini-me Bobby Lashley, but with not as much personality. Crews has potential, I guess, but is he ready to be the Intercontinental Champion? Is he “awesome”? I don’t think so. Miz retains and remains champion.

Winner: The Miz

WWE Tag Team champions New Day vs. Doc Gallows & Karl Anderson.

I like the New Day, but the schtick is starting to get stale to me. I would much prefer to see Gallows and Anderson get their due and be the new Tag Team Champions. I’d like to see it, but it won’t happen yet. Look for Big E to return and save his partners and the titles with either a distraction or blatant DQ. New Day retains and the Club has to wait for another day to get all booty.

Winners and STILL WWE Tag Team Champions: The New Day

Kevin Owens & Chris Jericho vs. Enzo Amore & Colin Cassady.

With these four men in the ring, anything can and will happen. I expect that the pre-match promos will be just as good as the match… and you can’t teach that. Jericho and Owens don’t need to win. They’re both so over, it really doesn’t matter and just imagine the bickering on Raw Monday night if they lose. Enzo and Cass? They’re the local boys and bonifide G’s. They sure as hell ain’t S-A-W-F-T! A fun match that I’m looking forward to seeing and in the end, Enzo and Cass take the trip to the pay window.

Winners: Enzo Amore & Cass

Cesaro vs. Sheamus – First in Best of Seven Match series.

The Best of Seven? Shade of Magnum versus Nikita or Benoit versus Booker T. This should be a fun and exciting series to watch. First match always goes to the heel though so I’m looking for Sheamus to take Round 1. Why? Just because.

Winner: Sheamus

Neville & Sami Zayn vs. The Dudley Boyz

This is on the Kickoff Show and should be a good way to get the crowd fired up and excited. Neville and Sami are hot right now. The Dudleys have been losing more matches than winning as of late and sadly, I expect this trend to continue. Neville and Sami fly high and we see all sorts of Helluva kicks and Red Arrows and who knows what else going on. And Neville and Sami walk out with the win.

Winners: Neville and Sami Zayn

American Alpha, The Hype Bros and The Usos vs. Breezango, The Ascension and The Vaudevillains

And here is the cluster-f*ck match to get everyone a chance to be on the show. Where are Bo Dallas, Curtis Axel, Kane and the Big Show? I think they’re the only ones who are missing. Oh yeah, they forgot the Wyatt Family too. Maybe next month then. No one cares about The Ascension or the Vaudevillans (even though they’re fantastic performers) and American Alpha and the Hype Bros are making their WWE pay-per-view debuts as teams. It’s pretty easy to see. American Alpha, The Hype Bros and The Usos easily walk away with the wins.

Winners; American Alpha, The Hype Bros and the Usos

And that’s it for now. Tomorrow night is SummerSlam and it is going to be a long and (hopefully) exciting show for the ages. I’m excited and I hope that you are as well. That’s enough for today. I have to go now and get ready for work. Have a great one and I’ll see you on the flip side. Comments and thoughts are welcome.

Ubuntu!

NXT Takeover: Brooklyn II – Thoughts and Predictions

Tossing Salt – Worldwide News
NXT Takeover: Brooklyn II – Thoughts & Predictions
August 20. 2016
Coming up tonight at the Barclay Center in Brooklyn, New York is NXT: Takeover Brooklyn II. It’s a big show for the NXT brand and the WWE. Of course, that means predictions, right? Well, Sister Cleo died a few weeks ago and Jeanne Dixon has been dead for decades so I guess we’re stuck with channeling Gary Spivey now. Where is a good fortune telling psychic when you need one? Let’s look at the matches and pick some winners and losers. Let’s do this…

NXT Takeover: Brooklyn II – Thoughts and Predictions…

NXT Championship Match
Samoa Joe (c) vs. Shinsuke Nakamura

The build has been excellent and I expect this match will be pretty damn awesome as well. Nakamura ia a big star and huge deal just waiting to bust out and Joe… his reputation speaks for itself. He kills bitches dead! As much as I like Nakamura and expect many big things from him in the future, I think it’s too early to put the NXT strap on his waist though. Unless the WWE is planning to move Joe up to the main roster (and who wouldn’t like to see Joe versus Owens or Joe versus Brock?), his reign as the NXT Champion still has plenty of ways to go. It’ll be a good match and go above and beyond, but I think Samoa Joe will retain his title when the smoke clears.

Winner and STILL NXT Champion: Samoa Joe

NXT Women’s Championship Match
Asuka (c) vs. Bayley

This is probably the match I’m most looking forward to. Asuka is just amazing in my eyes and is well on the way to approaching “Ivory status”. Yes, I like her that much. And Bayley is a just awesome in her own right and is the next big breakout star for NXT whenever they decide to move her up to the main roster. I wouldn’t switch the title and think Asuka should retain, but I’m not the man booking this match. WWE is going to want at least one title change tonight and I think this will be it. The “feel good moment” of the evening. Look for Bayley to take a beating, but come back at the end for the win and the title.

Winner and NEW NXT Women’s Champion: Bayley

NXT Tag Team Championship Match
The Revival (c) vs. Johnny Gargano & Tommaso Ciampa

The Revival are doing a great job as champions and it’s too soon to have them drop the belts. No new champions here. The big story for this match is whether Gargano and Ciampa will still be a team at the end of the night. They’ve been teasing issues between the two men for several weeks now and I’m thinking that when / if Gargano and Ciampa lose the match and fail to get the titles, we’re going to see discord and chaos and probably a turn by one of the men. It’s just a theory at this point, but we’ll see. Anyhow, look for the Revival to retain the tag team gold.

Winners and STILL NXT Tag Team Champions: The Revival

Andrade “Cien” Almas vs. Bobby Roode

Andrade Almas is another talent that I see a big future in. He’s charismatic and exciting and really seems to connect with the fans. But that being said, he seems to have lost a little bit of his fire since his debut a few months ago. He’s still hot, but the flame seems to be flickering a bit here and there. And he’s facing Bobby Roode. ‘Nuff said! It’ll be another damn good match, but in the end, look for Roode to walk out with his arm raised as he takes that trip to the pay window.

Winner: Bobby Roode

No Way Jose vs. Austin Aries

No Way Jose is… okay, I don’t really get him or see what’s so special about the character. But admittingly, I’ve only seen him perform a couple of times so far so what do I know, right? Jose is facing Austin Aries and Aries is an amazing talent and great heel. He won’t be hurt by a loss and can use it to get over even more if that’s possible. Jose is a currrent NXT favorite and he’ll walk out with the win. Why? I don’t know, but he will. No way? Yes way!

Winner: No Way Jose

Ember Moon vs. Billie Kaye

Ember Moon is making her debut and the company is said to be very high on this young woman. Billie Kaye is said to be a tough lady and this should be a good match, but is there any real doubt to who the winner will be? I don’t think so.

Winner: Ember Moon

And there you go. Those are the matches announced for tonight’s show as of this writing (at 6:25am on Saturday morning) and those are my predictions as to who will win and lose. I’ll be back later today or late tonight with predictions for SummerSlam, the WWE event of the Summer, coming Sunday night at the Barclay Center in New York. Thanks for reading and I’ll catch you on the flip side.

Ubuntu!

Slater And The Beast (WWE Fan Fic)

Slater And The Beast  (WWE Fan Fiction)

Shortly after their encounter on RAW, Heath Slater has a conversation with Paul Heyman and “The Beast” Brock Lesnar…
Backstage at RAW, Heath Slater is sitting in the trainer’s room, getting medical attention. Moments earlier, Heath had interrupted “The Beast” Brock Lesnar and his advocate, Paul Heyman, as they attempted to promote Brock’s upcoming match against “The Viper” Randy Orton at SummerSlam.

“You’re going to be all right”, the trainer told Heath as he placed the compress on the back of Heath’s neck. “Just take it easy for a few days if you can.”

“Thanks”, Heath told the trainer as he sat up, only to see Paul Heyman and Brock Lesnar walking into the room.

Heath quickly jumped up, his hands flexing into fists as he prepared for a fight.

“Relax”, Heyman said. “Just relax. I want to talk to you!”

Heath cast a weary eye at Brock, but allowed his fist to uncurl as he sat back down.

“What do you want, Paul?”

“Well”, Heyman began. “First off, I wanted to tell you that going out there, live on RAW, and cutting into my time, into Brock’s time, was either the stupidest thing I’ve ever seen or the craziest. What the hell were you thinking?”

“I explained it out there”, Heath said. “I was doing what I had to do.”

“Oh yeah”, Heyman sighed. “Have to feed the family, get that contract, etc. etc. I get all of that, but to purposely antagonize the Beast, Brock Lesnar… Was it worth it? Really?”

Heath stared at Heyman for a few seconds and said, “Yeah, it was! I knew I was going to get my ass kicked, but I made a statement. I did what I needed to and yeah Paul, it was worth it!”

Heyman stared at Heath and shook his head. Brock decided then to speak up.

“Slater, I looked in your eyes tonight and I saw a lot of things. Dread. Determination. But you know what?”

“What Brock?”, Heath asked.

“I didn’t see any fear. You were in there and you knew what would happen, but you stepped up and did what you felt you needed to do like a man. And I respect that!”

Brock reached out his hand towards Slater, offering a handshake. Slowly, Heath returned the gesture and shook Brock’s hand. The two men stood there in silence, staring at each other.

“You’ve been here in the WWE for a long time and mostly, you’ve been used as an enhancement guy, a comedy guy, a third stringer”, Heyman interjected, breaking the silence. “But I think you’re finally ready to break that glass ceiling and reach for the brass ring that Vince likes to talk about.”

“So does that mean you’re willing to take me on as a Paul Heyman guy?”, Heath asked, a small smile forming on his face.

“Let’s don’t get ridiculous”, Heyman shot back with a smile. “I am the representative and advocate for Brock and only Brock at this time.”

Heath’s smile started to falter a bit but then Heyman continued.

“But I think you just took a major step tonight towards moving to the next level. I’ll talk to Stephanie and Shane for you and see if we can’t help speed things up a bit. You’re finally ready! And if you ever need a little advice or help… well, maybe?”

“Thank you Paul”, Heath smiled, reaching out to shake Heyman’s hand.

Brock reached over and smacked Heath on the back, causing him to wince in pain.

“Go get dressed and meet me and Paul after the show. I’ll buy you a beer!”

Heyman and Brock walked off, leaving Heath sitting there. The trainer walked back over.

“What was all that about, Heath?”, he asked.

“I’m not totally sure”, Heath said. “But I think everything is going to be okay.”

END

Bo, Axel and the Scary Rock(WWE Fiction)

Bo, Axel and the Scary Rock!… (WWE Fiction Story)
Starring: The Social Outcasts

Doug Maynard

Curtis Axel and Bo Dallas, WWE Superstars and former members of the Social Outcasts, are enjoying a day off and exploring the local woods.

“How does this Pokeman Go thing work again?”, Axel asked Dallas as he kept staring at his phone. “I don’t get it!”

“I don’t get it either”, Bo admitted. “But Truth and Goldust told me that it was fun and if I just bo-lieve, we could catch a Pick-Your-Nose or whatever that thing is called.”

“So you don’t have a clue?”, Axel asked. “Really? Really?”

“One more ‘really’ and you’ll start sounding like the Miz”, Bo laughed.

“One more smart remark like that and I’ll lay you out!”, Axel snarled. “I swear, I wish Rose or even Sandow was here. They were never this annoying?”

“Well… I wish Heath was here cause he’s never that annoying either”, Bo shot back.

Axel cast a sideways glance over at Bo, raising his eyebrows.

“Okay, so Heath is annoying… but I still miss him”, Bo admitted. “I wish that Shane or Steph would make up their minds and draft him already so he could come back on the road with us.”

“Well, he’s a free agent now so I’m sure he’ll be signed soon”, Axel replied. “It’s hot out here and I’m getting tired.”

“Probably because of that big backpack you’re wearing”, Dallas noted. “What’s all in that thing anyhow?”

“Bottles of water, some snacks and a few essentials. I don’t want us to get lost in these woods, get dehydrated and die.”

“These woods are only about two miles thick and we have our cell phones”, Dallas said. “We’re WWE Superstars and two hunking men in great shape and in possession of great survival skills. We will be okay… if we just bo-lieve.”

“Quit doing that”, Axel scowled. “You don’ t hear me shouting out my catch-phrase ever five seconds, do you?”

“Only because you don’t have a good catch phrase”, Bo laughed. “Axe Man? Yee-haw or whatever it is you shout sometimes?”

Bo let out a big sigh of exasperation.

“Well at least I don’t have a crazy brother”, Axel said in response.

“What’s that, Brother Nero”, Bo laughed.

“If anyone is a ‘Brother Nero’ around here”, Axel said, “it’s you.”

“Why do you say that?”, Bo asked.

“You’ve got a crazy brother who thinks he’s a cult leader and calls himself the ‘eater of worlds’. That just whacked. And your dad? He thinks he’s an agent of the IRS? More crazy! So if anyone is a ‘Brother Nero’, then it’s you!”

“Yeah, like your dad is so perfect”, Bo shot back.

Axel just turned and looked at him.

“Oh yeah”, Bo said, his voice lowering in defeat. “Let’s go find us a Pokeman!”

“Forget that”, Axel said. “Let’s find a comfortable place in the shade and take a break. I’m getting tired.”

“That’s the second time you said that”, Bo noted.

“Then maybe we should do something about it. A fifteen minute break, okay?”

“Find with me”, Bo said. “But where?”

“Look over there”, Axel said.

Bo looked to where Axel was pointing and there was this huge rock.

“We can go over by that rock and take a breather”, Axel said. “Let’s go!”

“Is it safe?”, Bo asked. “I don’t want to see any snakes.”

“Or spiders either”, Axel said. “We’ll look first and make sure that there aren’t any spiders or snakes around.”

“Okay”, Bo said.

“And then we’ll take a break.”

Bo and Axel walked up to the big rock and after careful examination to make sure that nothing creepy, crawly or slitherly was near the rock, sat down at the far side of the rock in the shade.

“Man, this feels good”, Axel said as he reached into his bag and pulled out two bottles of water, handing one to Bo.

“This is relaxing”, Bo admitted as he took the bottle of water and took a long drink.

Bo and Axel sat there, enjoying the sounds of nature and the silence, just relaxing and taking it all in. Axel could feel his eyes getting heavy and he glanced over at Bo, noting that Dallas already had his eyes closed, his breathing slowed and a soft wheezing sound coming from his mouth.

“Damn, Bo is asleep already”, Axel laughed. “And that’s not a bad idea. Just for a few minutes!”

And with that thought in his mind, Axel stretched and then closed his eyes, quickly drifting off into a light sleep.

Neither man was sure how long they rested there in the shadow of that big rock when suddenly they were both jolted awake by a loud noise.

“Ow Ow Ow Ow Ow Ow Ow”, the noise echoed in the air around them.

“Did you hear that?”, Bo asked Axel.

“No”, Axel said, an alarmed expression on his face. “I didn’t hear anything!”

Bo looked at Axel and then shrugged.

“Okay, me neither”, Bo sighed and then sat back, closing his eyes once more.

Axel watched Bo and then thought to himself, “Bo didn’t hear nothing and it’s just my imagination. I’m going to finish my nap!”

As Bo and Axel both began to doze off once more, another crazy sound filled the air.

“GUZZZZMMMMMMMMMM!”

“What did you say Bo?”, Axel asked.

“I didn’t say anything”, Bo replied. “Now quit waking me up. I’m trying to enjoy nature and take a nap.”

Then, another loud noise echoed through the air.

“Woooooop Wooooop Whoooop!”,

This time Axel sat up.

“Stop playing and making those funny noises Bo”, he said. “I’m trying to sleep!”

“It wasn’t me”, Bo said. “I thought it was you.”

“No, it wasn’t me”, Axel said.

“Yes it was”, Bo said.

“No, it wasn’t”, Axel shot back.

And the two men argued back and forth for a few moments and then…

“YIP! YIP! YIP! YIP!”

“Oh crap, it’s the Rock”, Axel said, grabbing his backpack and quickly starting to step away from the large rock.

“Wait Axe-Man”, Dallas said as he watched Axel start running away from the large rock. “Rocks can’t make noises!”

“Well, that one did”, Axel said. “And I don’t like it!”

“You’re just a scardy-cat”, Bo said to his friend. “Wait until I tell the guys about this!”

“I’m not afraid”, Axel said, his lips sticking out in a pout. “I just don’t like rocks that make noises.”

“Well, let’s find out why”, Bo said. “It has to be something simple.”

“Yeah, like a ghost”, Axel said.

“There are no such things as ghosts”, Bo said. “Maybe we’re on SWERVED?”

“Hmmmm… maybe?”, Axel said. “But those sounds? Those noises?”

“Let’s go figure out what it is”, Bo said, taking Axel by the arm and leading him back towards the rock.

“I’m coming”, Axel said as he jerked his arm away from Bo. “You go first!”

Bo and Axel walked back towards the big old rock. It didn’t make a sound. They stepped a little closer and the rock said… nothing. Bo and Axel walked right up to the rock, right to the place where they had been resting… and there was nothing but silence.

“See? Nothing!”, Bo smiled.

“YaYaYaYaYaYaYa!!”, suddenly cried out, the scream filling the air.

“We’re dead!”, Axel shouted!’

“What?”, Bo said.

“We’re dead!”, Axel repeated. “The rock is going to eat us up!”

“Rocks don’t eat WWE Superstars”, Bo said, getting a strange look upon his face. “Vince wouldn’t let them.”

Bo stared at the rock and then shouted, “Who is making that noise?”

The rock didn’t say anything.

“Who is making that noise?”, Bo shouted once more.

And the rock again didn’t say anything.

“Who is making that noise?”, Bo asked one final time, his voice just barely a whisper.

“CRUUUMMMCCCHHHH!!!”

Both Axel and Bo jumped back in surprise.

“We’re dead!”, Axel muttered.

“Be quiet”, Bo said. “I have an idea. Give me your backpack.”

“My backpack?”, Axel asked. “Why?”

“Just hand it here”, Bo said. “Now!”

Axel handed Bo his backpack and Bo quickly reached into the pack. He pulled out a bottle of water. Bo took the bottle of water and threw it at the noise.

“Ow!”, said the noise.

Bo reached into the pack and pulled out two more bottles of water. He threw them at the noise.

“Ow! Ow!”, said the noise.

Bo reached into the pack once more and this time pulled out a jar of ass-cream.

“Ass-cream?”, he asked, looking at Axel.

“It belongs to Christian. I’m holding it for him”, Axel said.

“Whatever?”, Bo said as he pulled a big jar of Jim Ross’s BBQ sauce from the pack. Looking towards the direction of the noise, Bo tossed the jar of BBQ sauce in that direction.

“OUCH!”, a voice cried out. “Damn, that hurt!”

“Come on out from behind that rock, Heath. I know it’s you!”, Bo shouted.
And out came Heath Slater, smiling broadly and rubbing his head where he had been hit by the jar of BBQ sauce.

“Hi guys!”, Heath smiled at the two men.

“Heath, what the hell are you doing here?”, Axel asked.

“Well, I was looking for the two of you and I saw you guys laying here against this rock and decided to have some fun”, Heath laughed. “You should have seen the look on your faces, especially yours Axe-Man! It was hilarious!”

“I told you rocks can’t talk”, Bo said, laughing at his friend.

Axel just glared at the two men and then starting picking up the bottles of water and BBQ sauce and putting them back in his backpack.

“You are both ass-clowns!”, Axel snarled. “I’m leaving!”

Heath and Bo watched as Axel stalked off.

“Should we follow him?”, Heath asked Bo, a concerned look on his face.

“No, not yet”, Bo said. “He’ll just go back to the car and pout. I have the keys. We’ll just give him a few minutes first.”

“If you say so”, Heath said.

“So why are you here”, Bo asked his friend. “Why were you looking for us?”

“Well, you know I didn’t get drafted and I’m the hottest free agent in WWE history, right?”, Heath said.

“Yeah”, Bo said.

“Well, I’ve got a plan for Smackdown Live!”, Heath said. “This is going to get me back on the road to the top.”

“Tell me your plan”, Bo said.

“It’s all about making an impact”, Heath said. “And that’s exactly what I’m going to do… because I’m the one man band, baby!”

“Let’s go get Axel and you can tell us both”, Bo said.

“Let’s go get some chinese food too!”, Heath said. “Making rocks talk makes me hungry!”

“Axel was right. You are an ass-clown”, Bo said.

“But you missed me”, Heath said.

“I didn’t”, Bo said. “But Axel did!”

“Really?”, Heath smiled.

“Really”, Bo said. “Didn’t you say something about chinese?”

“Get Axel, get some chinese food and I’ll tell you my plans.”

“Sounds good!”, Bo smiled. “I bo-lieve that’s a plan!”

And with that, Bo and Heath started walking to go find their friend.

THE END!!

Tossing Salt: WWE Battleground Predictions

Tossing Salt – Worldwide News
July 24, 2016
Doug Maynard
Good morning Peeps. Welcome to another edition of the rarely seen, but never forgotten “Tossing Salt – Worldwide News”. early morning edition. Yes, it is 5:10am in the morning as I type this up. I should be sleeping. I want to be sleeping. My bed keeps calling to me from across the house, demanding that I heed the call. Yeah, like I do what I’m supposed to, right?

So what’s on the agenda for today? The main thing is predictions and thoughts for the WWE Battleground pay-per-view, coming live tonight from Washington D.C. It’s another loaded and packed card that could hold some major implications for the future of WWE, especially coming off the heels of the much hyped WWE Draft this past Tuesday on Smackdown. So I’ll be channeling Gary Spivey meets Miss Cleo meets Jeanne Dixon for a bit. And throw in a few thoughts about the new rosters for RAW and Smackdown Live and some thoughts about possible past WWE Superstars rumoured to be returning to the rosters. That should fill things out and make for a tight column, right? I’m Doug and I support Alice Cooper for President. A sick man for sick times. He wants to be elected! Let’s do this…

The Draft – Thoughts…

This past Tuesday night, we had the pairing of Stephanie McMahon and Mick Foley compete against the team of Shane McMahon and Daniel Bryan in a draft pick forum to decide up new rosters for WWE RAW and WWE Smackdown Live. It was fairly entertaining to watch the back and forth bantering between the two couples as they made selections to decide who would wrestle where and for who. Most of the picks were predictable and by the books with Seth Rollins to RAW, Ambrose to Smackdown, etc, but there were a few surprises. Finn Balor brought up from NXT to RAW as a top 5 pick? AJ Styles a Round One pick while John Cena had to wait until Round 2 to be drafted. And poor Heath Slater? What is up with that?

The entire WWE locker room, as well as six NXT stars are drafted and “The One Man Rock Band” Heath Slater is left alone, sitting in the locker room, as they turn out the lights. Actually, I’m hoping that this leads to a big, or at least moderate push for Heath. He’s a helluva good wrestler, talented on the mic, and despite being actually well liked by everyone who knows him or has met him, can generate heel heat like few others. Remember the big push against the “Legends” on the build for RAW 1000? I’m hoping that since he’s now a “Free Agent” for the WWE, we’ll see Heath showing up on RAW, Smackdown and NXT (why not?) and just raising hell and making an impact on all three shows until someone is forced to give him a contract as part of one of the main rosters. Heck, if I was WWE, I’d even let Heath work some shows for Evolve or a few of the Independent promotions that WWE is alligned with to sell the whole “free agent” deal. Heath could evaluate talent and recruit for the WWE behind the scenes while at the same time, rebuild his character, character and credibility for the WWE audience. I’m just speculating as to what this will lead to for the former tag team champion. Maybe they’ll reunite him and Jinder Mahal when Jinder (allegedly) comes back to the main roster. Who knows, but I’m hoping this leads to seeing more Heath on our TV in the near future. He’s the “one man rock band… baby” and deserves the big push.

Where was I before I got off on a Slater rant? The draft, right? It’s an interesting break-up of the roster and should make for two very diverse and exciting shows if the WWE allows for real diversity, real competition between the brands and rosters and keeps the brands apart except for at the “Big 4” pay-per-views. Otherwise, no crossovers at all for at least a year and we’ll see how it goes. I kind of feel sorry for the fans though because while this is good and should freshen up the entire WWE experience for all of us, and that has long been needed, watching 5 hours of live WWE every Monday and Tuesday is going to be hard to handle, especially if a person has a job, a family or a life in general to handle as well. Then throw in NXT on Wednesday, TNA on Thursday and the pay-per-views on Sunday and that’s a lot of wrestling to digest, even for the most hardcore fans. It’ll be interesting to see how the ratings hold up?

Let’s move on. There have been a lot of rumours about stars from the past being called up and brought back to help fill up the rosters and add some much needed “star power” to build interest in the updated WWE product. Names that have been mentioned include MVP, Curt Hawkins, Shelton Benjamin, Jinder Mahal and (surprisingly) Melina. I’ve also heard that Carlito has been contacted and offered a contract, but he’s still taking independent bookings so who knows for sure. All of these names have some potential to them, but is this enough? I’m hearing that there is interest in John Morrison, but he’s currently under contract to Lucha Underground so that would put a damper on his return (for now anyhow). I would love to see the return of Chris Masters (the “Masterpiece”) and possibly even Chuck Palumbo or Shawn Stasiak. Maybe, with all of these new (old) additions, I can even have my dream of seeing the Disco Inferno cut a promo at Wrestlemania happen. And if WWE was to reach out to former TNA standouts Crimson, Matt Morgan and Garrett Bischoff, I wouldn’t complain.

Essentially, anyone who is available and not under contract to another organization is fair game right now and bringing back some strong, familiar characters to help fill out the rosters and add some extra name recognition is not a bad idea. Just don’t do too many at one time and allow the returns to be balanced out so that they won’t over-shadow the current talent and it could all work out quite well. Now, for a quick “Top Ten” list, I’m going to list the ten superstars that, if I was named McMahon, I’d reach out to first to see if they were applicable to coming back to the company.

10. Rob Conway
9. Shelton Benjamin and Charlie Haas
8. Chris Masters
7. Carlito
6. Disco Inferno
5. Matt Morgan
4. John Morrison
3. Damien Sandow
2. Matt & Jeff Hardy (Jeff’s contract with TNA expires in February).
1. CM Punk / AJ Lee

I know that some of these suggestions will never happen, especially the Disco Inferno idea or the Punk / AJ suggestion, but still, if I was Vince or HHH, I’d make the attempt and throw some money in Punk and Lee’s direction. Can’t hurt to try.

I’d also bring in “Beautiful” Bobby Eaton to NXT to help out as a “Guest Trainer” with the NXT Superstars. No man knows tag team wrestling or the art of telling a story in that ring better than Eaton and just imagine the knowledge he could pass on to the next generation, especially if some of his buddies like Stan Lane, RIcky Morton, Robert Gibson or even James E. Cornette decided to stop by and sit in on a class or two. Something to think about, right?

Well, I’m rambling too much so let’s move on now to the prediction part of this bad mama-jama. Tonight in Washington D.C., the WWE will be holding their “WWE Battleground” pay-per-view event. Who will win? Who will lose? Who will be the designated “bathroom break” match? Let’s look at the line-up and figure it all out.

WWE Battleground Thoughts and Predictions

WWE World Heavyweight champion Dean Ambrose vs. Roman Reigns vs. Seth Rollins.

First off, there is no way that Reigns walks out the champ. Just days after coming off a Wellness suspension, just imagine the message that it would send to the WWE locker rooms if Reigns becomes Champion again, especially this soon. I’m going with Ambrose retaining the title and staying the WWE Champion. Then Seth can complain about the “injustice” and they can pull an “HHH” and give him his own “World Title” on RAW. WWE likes to repeat itself and they did that on the first brand split so why not again?

Winner and STILL WWE Champion: Dean Ambrose

John Cena & Enzo Amore & Colin Cassady vs. AJ Styles & Luke Gallows & Karl Anderson.

Cena and Styles are headed to Smackdown. Enzo, Cass and The Club are staying with RAW. This will be the last time we see this match for a while at least. I’d prefer to see The Club have one last big moment beating up John Cena, but this is the WWE and Cena is the golden child so that just won’t happen, at least not during the match. Look for the Cena group to capture the pinfall and the win. Then after the match is over, we’ll see the Club get their moment as AJ, Gallows and Anderson do their thing and “beat up John Cena”.

Winners: John Cena, Enzo Amore and Big Cass

WWE Intercontinental champion The Miz (with Maryse) vs. Darren Young (with Bob Backlund).

This feud is just getting started and I’d like to see it continue for a while, maybe with Maryse eventually getting handcuffed to Bob Backlund and / or Bob snapping on Miz and putting him in the crossface chicken wing. I’m a Backlund fan and want to see him go all crazy on some people. Yes, I admit it! Darren is going to Smackdown and Miz is the only male singles champion on RAW at the moment, so he’ll keep the title and stay champion. Look for Maryse to interfere and cause a disqualification. Darren wins the match, but Miz keeps the gold.

Winner by DQ: Darren Young w/ Bob Backlund (Miz retains the Intercontinental Championship)

WWE United States champion Rusev (with Lana) vs. Zack Ryder.

I love it that Ryder is finally starting to get some kind of push and I would love to see Zack have a long and strong run as a singles champion in the WWE, but I don’t see it happening here. I expect a good match and Zack to come just that close, but in the end, the Bulgarian Brute will do what he does best and “CRUSH!”. Sorry Zack, but woo-woo-woo – you know it’s not your time tonight.

Winner and STILL U.S. Champion: Rusev w/ Lana

WWE Women’s champion Charlotte & Dana Brooke vs. Sasha Banks & mystery partner.

Everyone expects the mystery partner to be Bayley, but I think she’s more valuable in NXT right now and that’s a call-up that can wait for a bit. I’m expecting more to see either a returning Bella or maybe Nia Jax. I’d love to see NXT Womens Champion Asuka used here, but I doubt that will happen. Anyhow, we’ll get a good match. Half the fans will ignore it and go to the bathroom because that’s the habit that WWE has installed in us over the past ten years… women matches means bathroom break. I wish Ivory, Victoria, Lita and Trish would just pop us and give all of these women a “wrestling lesson”. But this match? Sasha and her partner win, pinning Dana Brooke to end the match. And Sasha will go on to face Charlotte at SummerSlam. So there you go.

Winners: Sasha and her mystery partner…

WWE Tag Team champions The New Day vs. The Wyatt Family

The New Day just passed the milestone of being the longest running tag team champs in WWE history. The Wyatt Family are being split up. You do the math here.

Winners: The New Day

Natalya vs. Becky Lynch.

Natayla is awesome, but she’s the old school here. Becky is new blood and ready for that big push. A great match between two great talents, but the outcome is pretty obvious here.

Winner: Becky Lynch

Kevin Owens vs. Sami Zayn.

Kevin beat Sami in their first PPV match and it should have ended there, but Sami just won’t stop coming on. They’re on the same brand so we’ll get to see more of this in the future, probably on RAW tomorrow night. If Kevin wins, it’s not a story and can’t continue. Sami wins and Kevin is pissed off and shenanigans ensue. I think Sami will win.

Winner: Sami Zayn

Randy Orton’s WWE return on Chris Jericho’s Highlight Reel.

Look for a good interview for about five minutes or so and then the ass-clown that can be Jericho shows himself. Look for Jericho to go for a Code-Breaker on Orton, who turns it into an RKO out of nowhere. Thus, if the match scheduled between Orton and Brock Lesnar at SummerSlam doesn’t happen, which all depends on the fall-out from the Brock / UFC doping scandal and when / if WWE suspends Brock as per their “Wellness Policy”, there’s an issue and match waiting to happen with Orton versus Jericho. Should be a fun segment that will end with Jericho eating an RKO from the Viper.

So there you go with the predictions. Let’s go ahead and wrap this sucker up now. I know it’s short and not nearly of the length and quality one would expect, but at least I’m trying here. Thank you for reading and next time, whenever that is, I’ll do bigger, faster, longer, just like South Park: The Movie. I promise. But for now, in the words of the great Baron Von Raschke, “Dat is all de’ people need to know!”. I’m Doug, I’m down and I’m gone. Catch you on the flip side.

Ubuntu!